THE WEIRDEST PART OF MY LIFE

I take the bus and train around Los Angeles.
Yes, you read right. I don't have a car. In Los Angeles, Car Capital of the World.
But before you laugh, know that i'm laughing doubly hard thinking about the fun you're having everytime you pay $3.75 for a gallon of gas while i'm paying $3 - total - each day for a pass that gives me all the rides I need to anywhere I wanna go in Los Angeles or the Valleys.
And while you're cursing traffic, I get to read, or take notes on the freaks around me, or take a nap. In fact, it was taking a nap that got me into this situation in the first place - when i fell asleep at the wheel nearly 4 years ago and totaled my car and lost my right to drive for 3 years. By the time i managed to legally drive again, I had come to realize that if people can take transit in NYC, the coolest city on earth, why the hell should i care what they think of me here?
But it's not all heavenly I'll admit. My sidekick in adventure, Heather, is rapidly filling up a journal with weird tales of weird people doing weird things in weird places - all aboard the bus or trains. BUt here's a few notes for now about what i think...
They call the system here Metro, or MTA. I think that stands for "Must Take Anyone." I never seem to have a problem getting my own seat, no matter how crowded the bus. After all, I'm a 300 pound narcoleptic who drools while he sleeps. Would YOU sit next to me?? I know i wouldn't if i had the choice.
But really love the ad campagins they use to make you feel better about riding. Thye say things like, "Take Metro To Flirt." Yah, right. Anyone who's ridden an LA bus or train more than twice knows there's NOBODY you'd wanna hit on - including ME. I once almost got puked on by a drunk Mexican guy while riding the #2 up Sunset. You never see THAT in the ads.
THey also say things like "Take Metro To Shop," with a photo of some Paris Hilton-style chick holding her Rodeo Drive purchases on board a train. Yeah, I'm SURE the train is your first choice of transportation after spending 5000 bucks on a bikini. The photo for "Take Metro To Shop" should be a little more realistic: show someone's hands turning purple from carrying 52 bags from the 99 Cents store.
I can think of a few more realistic ways they can promote the MTA. They should say, "Take Metro to Laugh...At Your Fellow Passengers." Or "Ride Metro and Meet Guys Who Wear Helmets But Have No Bikes." Or "Metro: Because You Need the Invigorating Scent of Ass in the Morning."