THINGS I LOVE ABOUT L.A.

I wrote this in August but deal with it. It holds true....

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT L.A. (first in a series)
OK, so I've lived in two of America's biggest cities now, Chcago and L.A., and I've visited NYC enough that I may as well live there. New York's still the bomb (figuratively, and hopefully not ever LITERALLY but then again I dont really believe in Al Qaeda as a domestic threat or anything other than a boogeyman to help the government scare us into submission every few months). Chicago is still where my heart is (or was for a long while at least).
But last night, coming home from a date and waiting on a bus (which has to be one of the things i love AND hate about L.A. - the bus and train system - but more on that in a sec), I realized that I now know the city better through weird and convoluted bus routes rather than the most efficient way to get anywhere by driving. I can tell you how to get from Pasadena to The Grove but it'll take you about 75 stops to get there and you'll be visiting Eagle Rock, Glendale, Los Feliz, and Hollywood while trying to get there. Meanwhile, I have now officially completely lost all sense of how to offer driving directions.
Along those lines, I love how my friends scream at me on the relatively rare occasions I ask for a ride: "Which highway do we take?" they ask. I tell them "I don't know anymore, it's been over four years since i drove." Then they wind up screaming as they wonder if I meant the 5 east or west, or the 2 North or South, or whatever combo. It's all Greek to me now. They should just be glad I'm not falling into a narcoleptic coma on them anymore, which is what led to me needing transit in the first place.
So I took someone i met a week ago out to my version of a tour of L.A.- which involves taking my guest on a tour of at least one (1) creepy Scientology facility (thankfully there are LOADS to choose from in Hollywood!), then a tour of LA's closest thing to Greenwich Village (Los Feliz, and particular the Wacko gallery and kitsch store - trust me, you HAVE to go. After all, where else are you going to buy an EXTREMELY limited-edition, full-size, bobble-headed talking piggybankd of Frankenberry from the old cereal commercials???), before a jaunt on the bus down Hollywood Boulevard (truly, the ONLY way to see the "real" L.A. and the desperation within!) and through the alternately Jewish and gay enclave of Fairfax Village (you just don't see enough gay Jews around, at least not the ones who wear those hats - I guess they're not fashionable enough) before being deposited at the Farmers Market and The Grove.
While at the Grove, my kitsch-o-rama explosion of a day brought us to a sing-along screening of "Hairspray" at which no one actually sang along (it's hard to bust out full-voiced when you can read the words but don't know the melodies yet) but it's such a great movie anyway (probably my favorite flick this year, and I see a LOT of films!) that it didn't matter. You head out from there into the faux village of The Grove and ride the double-decker trolley through everything (ride on top so you can actually for real hug a tree - it's that height, my fellow liberals, so you can finally live up to the "tree-hugger" name!)
Once down on the ground, see some crazy art at the gallery nearby (not sure what the name is, but it's right near the end of the trolley line) and then head into yet another kitschy '50s shop where there's plenty of room to bust a move in the spacious aisles as they blast out groovy tunes like "Rehab." I'm taking dance classes from the choreographer of the Backstreet Boys as my weight loss program, so i had to bust a move sometime!
Self-editorial note: Man, does my weekend sound gay. But as Seinfeld said, not that there's anything wrong with that. :P Just remember, I was on a date. With a woman, people.
Finally, it was off to Canter's Deli, which gives you the best damn dinner in the world for like 12 bucks. Pickled herring (sounds gross, looks worse, but trust me mmmm-mmmm!!), matzo ball soup, sweet and sour cabbage and potato pancakes with sour cream and applesauce. So now, just like Fairfax Village, I'm sounding both gay AND Jewish.
I split off from there but then on the way back i set foot in the Bally's in Hollywood for the first time. Man, Pasadena's Bally's is a hellhole compared to this! How can I be paying the same amount as I would for Hollywood and not have a pool, sauna, hot tub, jogging track or exercise machines with individualized TV screens??? There truly are two Americas, as John Edwards keeps telling us!!!!
So, there ya go. Laugh at me if you want for taking transit, but it gives me great material, constant adventure (fear of dying gets the heart rate up!), and has helped me make connections among the city's neighborhoods that i would never have dreamed possible while driving. ANd I managed to mock Scientology, nearly buy a Frankenberry bobblehead bank, ride dangerously through Hollywood, see "Hairspray' before touring the Grove and polish it all off with a spectacular Jewish meal all in seven hours. Three more hours and I managed to get a workout in and be home!
Randy Newman was right when he wrote "I Love L.A."