I just have a few thoughts about what I'd like to see happen with our presidential primary process.
First of all, anyone who thinks that what happened in Iowa remotely resembles a democracy is completely deluded. Who came up with the BS idea of hosting an election day that takes place only at night and involves a bunch of people PUBLICLY stating who they support, and then throwing their support away to a candidate in a second voting round just because the person they supposedly have a principled support for wasn't popular enough with others?
Isn't the beauty of the American voting system the fact that no one has to know who our vote is for? But here, Farmer Bob has to tell everyone what he's thinking and then he's expected to compromise that thinking five minutes later just because it's a popularity contest and he guessed wrong.
Only 5 percent of Iowa Republicans took part in the 2004 caucuses and 10 percent of Iowa Democrats. So if the people there don't care to participate, why are THEY first in the nation and being treated like prophets?
It's appropriate the way that "caucus" sounds like a porno term becuase in allowing this format to continue we're all getting screwed. And as fascinating as it was to see Hillary Clinton cry and display what appeared to be a genuine human emotion for the first time in her life (though i still she faked the tears in an effort to get the sympathy vote next), I still say it's a ridiculous way to elect anyone. Almost as ridiculous as those idiots who have the electoral college!!!!!!!! Oh wait a minute...D'oh!
So here's what i propose for reforming the electoral process:
First, shorten the damn election season. Canada only has like a six-month window for campaigning (maybe less) from start to finish and look at them: free universal health care and they hardly ever get involved in a war. Works for them! Why not us? By now, with a full year left, I'm already sick of seeing every last one of these fools on my TV everday.
So if we have to watch them, let's spice it up a little.
Make them all compete on "American Gladiators." Screw the two-person format that's on the air out and let all the candidates run out and try to climb that giant foam pyramid at once, trying to avoid getting thrown down by the Gladiators and trying to get back up again when they do inevitably fall. Now, if THAT" s not a painful metaphor for those running for president, I don't know what is. And wouldn't it be more fun to see Hillary get knocked down into the water during that contest with the big foam jousting sticks than to just see her open her personal waterworks for the cameras?
The other way to weed out the folks running is "Celebrity Apprentice," in which 75 actors - mostly washed-up types from the '80s - have to learn ruthless dealmaking in order to survive the wrath of Donald Trump. They lie and cheat to each other, but what better way to train for Osama?
COMMENT BACK: What would YOU do differently if you could change our primary system?
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