BUTTERING UP PRESIDENT CLINTON

I suck with celebrities.
Actually, anyone who knows me, especially out here in LA, knows that I "suck UP" to celebrities. I've accidentally knocked Vince Vaughn down in a casino, reminded John Mayer of the biggest failure of his career and accidentally followed Hugh Hefner into a bathroom stall.
But those are all stories for another time. I've lured you in with my experience serving popcorn to the Pervert-in-Chief, and by God, you're getting the story you asked for.
My moment of glory took place on June 15, 1990.
NOw, I had been raised in Little Rock, Arkansas, but in a highly Republican household. My parents had raised me to hate Bill Clinton. But that day, on a seemingly lazy summer afternoon, I was working in a mall movie theater when out int he hallway, I heard a total riot break out.

People were leaning over balconies, running down escalators, and shrieking "It's him, it's him, OH MY GOD IT"S HIM." Just as I wondered if the Lord Jesus Himself had returend, I saw it was instead our Governor, Bill Clinton. I prayed to God that he wasn't seeing a movie, but sure enough, he stepped up to the box office. Then I prayed he wouldn't come over and make me serve him at the concession stand.
Then, sure enough, he walked over.

I tried to be nice: "Can I get you anything, Governor?"
"What do you think?" he asked, in his unmistakable drawl. "I'll have a popcorn and a Coke."
"What size?" i asked. As if i didn't know the answer already.
"Do ya know me?" he joked. "Jumbo of course."
"Would you like butter on that?"
"Come on, man. Of course."
So I gave him the five-squeeze limit that our theatre's rules set for jumbo and slid it over to him. But that wasn't enough for our future world leader.
"Naw, man. I want you to hit it til i tell you to stop."
Now I have a feeling he wound up saying that to a few ladies over the years. Lewinsky for sure.
But I hit TEN more squirts, for a total of fifteen squirts of butter - 3 times the legal limit - before he said, "Alright, that'll do me."
As my stomach turned, I asked him waht he was doing here on a weekday. After all, wasn't there, oh, a state to run?
"Just taking my mind off the election," he said, referring to the primary that day.
"And what are you seeing?" I asked.
This was the summer of '90. We had blockbusters like "Pretty Woman" and "Hunt for Red October." But no, he chsoe a B-grade, white-trash comedy called "Daddy's Dyin', Who's Got the Will?" starring Beau Bridges, Beverly D'Angelo and Judge Reinhold. An all-star cast for sure.
While I was stunned, I realize we all make mistakes. I once spent nine bucks on seeing "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo." And i later read an article in which Bill Clinton was asked for the three biggest regrets of his life, and he said first, was ignoring Rwanda. Second, was NOT ignoring Monica. And third was seeing "Daddy's Dyin', Who's Got the Will?"
I have a feeling meeting Hillary was a close 4th.
Peace.