25 (MOSTLY) FUNNY THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME

25 (MOSTLY) FUNNY THINGS YOU DON"T KNOW ABOUT ME

I answered this from my friend Chris, aka MoCheeks. Look him up in my Myspace Top 24 and add him - he's HILARIOUS. .Would love to have anyone else answer these and send the answers to me. I'll keep anyone else's answers private, of course.

You're on my friends list. I'd like to know 25 things about you. Just hit reply to sender. Thanks!

You'll be surprised how much you didn't know about your friends after this!
1. Do you have a tattoo? Nope, i'm thinking about getting something totally ridiculous put on my left shoulder blade though so that no one sees it usually but i'll know it's there. like maybe a crying clown face. everyone's always devastated by a sad clown. i'll rock that at the beach or maybe a family reunion and enjoy spreading the horror.
2. How old are you? i'm in Hollywood, i can't say. oh yeah 21.
3. Are you single or taken? Single but wish i was taken. lately people assume i am but i'm not. long story.
4. Eat with your hands or utensils? i rock it hasselhoff-style: lying on the floor, missing my mouth completely with every other bite and yelling at kids while taping it all.
5. Do you dream at night? dude, i'm a recovering narcoleptic. i used to dream all the time. but now, alas, i have no dreams left...remember, i'm in hollywood. all my dreams have been crushed.....NOT
6. Ever seen a corpse? Yes, i watched an autopsy once for a story (i'm a reporter). then the story never ran. So in a weird way i went through the most terrifying voyeuristic experience you can imagine, for nothing. you haven't felt terror til you've seen (and HEARD, eww) a bone saw in action.
7. Sugarland or Metallica? Neither. Air Supply. 'Cause I'm all out of love.
8. Do You Hate Bush? not as much as i hate the man pulling his strings. Dick Cheney is Bush's insurance against assassination, 'cause no one will ever wanna take out Bush if they know they're gonna be stuck with Cheney. Notice how they never seem ot be in the same room? That's cause they don't wanna give someone a chance to nail both. HERE COMES THE
EQUALLY INTERESTING PART...
9. Whats your philosophy on life and death? I'm Catholic and not one of those "ooh, i'm traumatized by Catholic school and i gave it up" ones. so i'd like to think there's life after death, with a heaven. I guess i'll find out someday. We all will.
10. If you could do anything with me, and have no one know, what would it be? Well if i tell you, everyone would know. Probably rob a bank.
11. Do you trust the police? NO. N-O. NO. Read my blog. It tells how the LAPD jacked me up one night for NOTHING. They said I matched a robbery suspect's description "to a T." I'm 6'3, 300 pounds, was wearing a black beret, red and white checkered vans and a dark blue pinstriped blazer with black shirt and pants. Who else on EARTH looks like that? Oh and best of all, when i called to complain i forced the division police chief to describe who they were really looking for. The real suspect was black. I'm, um, not. NWA said it best, and I'm not talking about "Express Yourself." On the other hand, i've been mugged twice in my life and both times the cops nailed the perp and got me my money back. So in other words, like everyone else, I hate 'em til I need 'em. Sad.
12. Do you like Country music? I'm from Arkansas. Had enough for a lifetime.
13. What is your fondest memory of me? You freaking out over the roach-like bug on the sidewalk outside Fred 62 restaurant in Los Feliz on my birthday-party night.
14. If you could change anything about yourself what would it be? Answering surveys like this at 545 in the morning rather than being sane and staying asleep like a normal person. That, and I wouldn't be afraid to drive (totaled my car once folks thanks to a seizure, and once is enough). 15. Would you cheat? Not in a relationship, but I paid $50 to a guy in high school for a semester's worth of chemistry exams after he swore up and down the teacher never changes the tests so i could look up the answers and memorize them. Problem was, the dude selling had a 78 average. So i didn't get good grades, but it was damn easy to get that 78.
16. What do you wear to sleep? In support of our troops, i sleep commando. Either that or the vomit someone slathered on me on the bus home. i like to change it up.
17. Have you ever peed in a pool? Have i ever NOT? Come on folks. Putting that red dye in doesn't shame me when i've gotta go, i gotta go. You've got chlorine, and you're not drinking it anyway.
18. Would you hide evidence for me if I asked you to? Not if it was a murder. But if it was drugs (i don't use but I think the drug war is silly for the most part), sure. I'm not helping though if you're so drunk you pooped yourself. that's on you. (well, literally)
19. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? Rob banks. we might get shot, but you're gonna die anyway and it might as well be exciting.
20. Which do you prefer - hat or no hat? I wear a beret everywhere. Does that count?
21. Do you Mosh at metal shows? When i used to go to them, sure. i once passed out at a club show after some asswipe climbed onstage, acted like he wanted the crowd to support a stage dive, and then he jumped feet first into my chest. That was the last time i ever went NEAR a mosh pit.
22. What's your favorite color? Red. Damn, can't think of anything funny to say about that.
23. If you could bring back anyone that has passed, who would it be? Serious answer: my Uncle George. Funny answer: Golda Meir. (I just think her name sounds funny, im not in love with her or anything. she's DEAD, people!)
24. Tell me one interesting/odd fact about you? I have a clergy card for Universal Life Church (and officiated a wedding) and a member ship card for Scientology, but I think both are jokes. 25. What was your first impression of me? This dude's HILARIOUS, of course.
26. Have you ever done drugs? Pot twice. That, and a raging addiction to Tylenol.