SERIOUSLY, CHINA..WTF?!?!

OK, so we're all supposed to be scared about Osama bin Laden, the stick thin crazy man who's a little disgruntled over being like 27th out of 55 kids and has to talk real scary to get the world to pay attention to him. But as I pointed out in one of my first blogs here, sorry, it ain't workin' on me, O-dog.
He looks ridiculous walking through mountains wearing robes and carrying a stick. Sure I'd like to shove it up where the sun don't shine and leave him baking in the sun like a rotisserie chicken for what he did on 9/11 but I just don't think he's capable of that much anymore, with the whole world watching him.
To me he's just Dr. Evil pathetically making threats that make no sense - i mean seriously, you gotta love how the idiot jihadis talk: "All praise be to Allah, let us make the infidels cry out for mercy a thousand times over..." Yada yada yada. If you're gonna try to speak English, at least speak like an actual native-English person speaks. Learn a little slang, know what i'm sayin'?
So I roped y'all in to read about China. THERE'S some brothers I'm scared about.
First of all, there's the whole fact that there's a billion of 'em. Ever since Louis Farrakhan came up with the Million Man March on Washington (which you may recall, was actually the 432,563 Man March or something like that), I've been living in fear of the Chinese going "Good idea! Let's have a Billion Man March on Washington!" I mean, who else is gonna pull one off, right?
But more importantly, I think we're seeing these last few months that the real threat to our way of life in America isn't coming from a bunch of guys whose idea of clothing is king-size bedding. It's coming from the utterly crappy crap (no other way to put it, even if i am an English major!) that the Chinese have managed to flood our markets with.
First there was poisoned toothpaste. Then we had to recall hundreds of thousands of Chinese made tires. Oh, and then there's the whole deal of recalling millions of toys because the Chinese decided that lead paint was perfectly acceptable for children after all. Now, the Drudge Report greets me today with the news that China has been putting out poisoned BLANKETS on the US market. BLANKETS!!!!! (Yes, I'm having a stroke!)
If i can't brush my teeth, give a toy to my nieces and nephews, ride in a car or even curl up and SLEEP safely, well, then, dammit I feel THREATENED!
Back in the early '90s, I recall that the US trade deficit with China was 7 to 1. That means China was selling us SEVEN TIMES the goods that we were managing to sell them!!! HOW is this POSSIBLE? They have 700 MILLION MORE PEOPLE!!! MAYBE you'd think we'd be able to catch up a little on the sales figures just through the sheer difference in POPULATION?!
Of course, they've got a billion people to keep occupied, so there's a lot more people working to make the crap that they're selling us. And it's the fact that they can generate all that crap that allows our market to be flooded and make us head down to Wal Mart to buy the crap and feel good that we saved 62 cents on air freshener, even if that's what is next on the list of things designed to poison us.
Remember Tianenmen Square? In 1989, the idiots in charge of China decided it was time to crush a bunch of students and other citizens who just wanted a little democracy and freedom - and no doubt an end to the making of CRAP - and so they ran OVER people, literally (!), with tanks on WORLDWIDE TELEVISION.
And what did we do??? NOTHING really. Oh, Bush Senior said it was just terrible - no doubt regretting that the loss of a few thousand innocent people would shrink the labor pool over there and cause less goods and higher prices here - but within six months he was sending over our National Security Advisor on a top secret mission to smooth things over and let the buttheads in charge know that it was all gonna be A-OK. SIX MONTHS!!!
And HOW LONG have we been harboring a grudge against Cuba, for LESS?! I mean CUBA is an ISLAND that makes CIGARS. THAT"S a threat?! At least the cigars are considered GOOD!!!
So we said everything's great, China, keep making your crap and we'll leave you alone so you can keep imprisoning Catholic priests and killing Christian missionaries and imposing forced abortions if a family has an extra kid - especially if it's a girl, go ahead and kill her - and now the cherry on top of the sundae...We look the other way as they are reportedly removing organs FOR SALE from LIVING members of the Falun Gong movement!
Oh, and don't worry about controlling Tibet and keeping the Dalai Lama in exile for fear of his life either, China.
And what do we do? We keep heading to Wal Mart and telling ourselves it's great that we saved five bucks on a defective Chinese tricycle that's going to wind up exploding the second your kid hops a curb.
We're NOT going to put the pieces together in either our homes or in Washington and realize that the real threat is coming from over there. That little by little they are screwing with us and ruining us and that they have every intention of being militaristic and expansionistic and likely entering a whole new Cold War with us someday.
Here in Pasadena California, where I live, we'll go one even better for the pinheads in charge there. It's not enough that the Olympic Committee rewarded China for its FABULOUS human rights record by giving them the 2008 Games - nope, the wankers in charge of the Rose Parade have decided "let's give China a float!!" Yippee!!
'Cause after all, nothing says good family fun like a country that crushes its people with tanks and rips out the still-beating organs of people who have a spiritual inclination. I'm thankful that I work at a newspaper that has the guts to say this is WRONG.
But I'm ashamed to live in a city and a country that won't back us up.
The real threat isn't some Gandalf clone with a dialysis machine that he can't even plug in at his cave. The real threat is laughing their heads off in palatial digs in Beijing.