THANK GOD FOR JOE BIDEN

Every night i watch David Letterman run a clip of President Bush screwing up a speech. But what's worse? Stammering a little, or the types of things Joe Biden has done on the campaign trail?

Most of the following are funny, but I doubt Letterman will ever spend one evening spotlighting Biden's screwups the same way he has Bush.

One thing that isn't funny is Biden's insane lapse of judgment on Oct. 19 in Seattle, where he said if Obama is elected president, he will almost immediately be challenged with an international crisis that will test his strength and character.

"We're going to face a major international challenge," Biden said. "They're going to want to test him, just like they did John Kennedy. They're going to want to test him. ANd they're going to find out this guy's got steel in his spine," Biden said. He then asked the crowd to "gird your loins."

First of all, who says "Gird your loins" anymore?! What the hell does that even mean?! Are you running to be leader of the Spartans, or 21st century Americans?

And what kind of dumbass says that "if you elect my partner, the world's gonna jack s*** up"? As a very funny editorial cartoon says, John McCain should air that footage and say "I'm John McCain and i approve this message."

So, Obama fans, get ready, set and go gird your loins! You asked for an international crisis and shortsighted leadership, so you'll get it!

Meanwhile, other Biden gems include:

His history lesson how to handle economic crisis:
"When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed," Biden told the CBS Evening News on Sept. 22.

But Herbert Hoover was president in October 1929 when the stock market crashed. FDR wasn't elected until 1932, and television made its debut a decade later, in 1939.

He doesn't even trust himself in the job:
At a campaign stop in Nashua, N.H., on Sept. 10, Biden said Obama may have been better off had he picked Hillary Clinton to be his running mate.

"Hillary Clinton is as qualified or more qualified than I am to be vice president of the United States of America. Let's get that straight," he said. "She's easily qualified to be vice president of the United States of America and quite frankly it might have been a better pick than me."

Arise, and walk! Heal thyself!
On the campaign trail in Columbia, Mo., on Sept. 9, Biden asked State Sen. Chuck Graham to stand up for the crowd. "Stand up Chuck let me see you!" Biden said to Graham - who is in a wheelchair. "Oh, God love you, what am I talking about. You're making everyone else stand up though, aren't you pal." Biden then asked everyone in the room to stand up for Graham.

Hey, nice gesture. But if I was in a wheelchair I think the last thing I'd wanna see is a roomful of hundreds or thousands of people doing exactly what i can't - stand- and call it an honor.

If a Republican said either of these, they'd be run out of America. A Democrat says them, and it's cute and gets rewarded with the job of VP.
When talking about his eventual running mate when they were still competing for the Democratic presidential nomination in January 2007, Biden said this about Obama to the New York Observer:

"I mean, you got the first mainstream African American man who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy," Biden said. "I mean, that's a storybook, man."

He quickly retracted the statement, explaining, "Barack Obama is probably the most exciting candidate that the Democratic or Republican Party has produced at least since I've been around," he said in a conference call a few days later. "And he's fresh. He's new. He's smart. He's insightful. And I really regret that some have taken totally out of context my use of the word 'clean.'"

And I LOOOOOOVE donuts, especially when served by Hindus:

In June 2006, at the outset of a run for the presidency, Biden joked on camera, "You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. I'm not joking."

When the video hit YouTube the next month, Biden's office defended him, saying, "The point Senator Biden was making is that there has abeen a vibrant Indian-American community in Delaware for decades."

Yeah, right. Indians. In Delaware. Is ANYONE from Delaware???

The funny thing is, a completely unrelated story from England noted that Biden, who had 2 brain aneurysms in the past, doesn't ever reveal his current brainscan results when he has a physical (every other candidate gives out the info fully.) Makes you wonder if he's trying to hide the fact his brain isn't functioning at all.